Australia in all its cultural majesty has co-opted yet another foreign tradition: hallowe’en. An ancient pagan European tradition celebrating the movement of dark forces through the night. The Americans took it first: a party for children. And now Australia has added our spin: alcohol and lots of it.

No need to thank us; we’re pretty proud of what we can offer.

Walking home through my neighbourhood last night, I was confused. How do I describe what I’m seeing? So: a drunken taxonomy:

When drunk X becomes:

• Yuppies: self-important and obnoxious.
• Teenagers: loud and obnoxious.
• Footy fans (any code): violent and obnoxious.

This year hallowe’en was popular with the teenagers with a little bit of footy fan thrown in. And who were they actually? Australian.